Jordan Update

It's 4:45 a.m. I'm in the Family Resource Room at Children's Hospital in Seattle, where I've been since 9:00 last night. My sister hadn't gotten much sleep the past couple of nights so I came down to stay up with Jordan while she sleeps. He's in Intensive Care, and there's a nurse by his bedside all the time, so I told her I was going for a walk... I was getting a little bit sleepy. So here's what's new: Jordan had an X-Ray done of his abdomen, and now he has a twist in his intestine, which could/probably is a source of much of his pain. Not the reason for the infection in his blood, just an added complication. He's also starting to get fluid in his lungs, as a result of his body not flushing fluids through, and the fact that he's been inactive and lying in bed for over 48 hours. His blood pressure is more stable than it was yesterday, but his heart rate is still too high and he's still running a fever. Keep praying for him, he's still got a long way to go before he is better. We're taking things 5 minutes at a time, praising God for the smallest of improvements and praying for more. Please ask everyone you know to cover Jordan in prayer, we've got people all over the United States praying for him... would be awesome to spread it across Canada as well. Thanks so much you guys... more updates to come... God Bless!

Pray, Pray, Pray

More news about Jordan...
He is in the Intensive Care Unit at Children's Hospital in Seattle, fighting for his life as we speak. His fever is at 39.4, heart rate is dangerously high, blood pressure dangerously low. He also has Sepsis, which is a "severe illness caused by an overwhelming infection of the blood stream by toxin-producing bacteria". His whole body is turning against itself, and my precious little nephew is only three and a half years old. The doctors are currently discussing the pros and cons of putting him on a respirator to help him breathe. I'm scared, because the reality that we may not get to have him here much longer is so real. Thanksgiving is on Thursday, and I'm having a hard time being thankful. The only thing at this point that will heal his body is a miracle. We know the God who is in the business of miracles... please ask everyone you know to flood heaven with prayers for Jordan. Thank you so much, I'll keep this site posted with updates as I get them.

Jordan

A while back I posted a blog about my nephew Jordan. He's three and a half, and just the sweetest kid in the world. He lights up a room with his smile, and melts your heart when he says he loves you. Jordan was born with a rare intestinal disease, and when he was 2 days old, had surgery to remove his large intestine and a portion of his small intestine. He receives nutrition by way of a feeding tube, and doesn't use the bathroom like you and me... I'll spare you the details. As a result of all these things, he is prone to dehydration and bacterial infections, and he's a pretty skinny little guy. Physically he's got a lot of problems, but mentally he's ahead for his age. Jordan has spent over 10 months of his life in the hospital, and has undergone almost 20 surgeries. There is no cure for his disease. The doctors haven't ever told us what his life expectancy is, because they don't know. He spent 2 weeks at Children's Hospital in Seattle during September, then spent last week at the hospital in Bellingham. He's home now, but is starting to get sick again. Today my sister called the specialists at Children's Hospital to find out what the next course of action will be. They told her that they don't know what more to do for Jordan. That they are down to the last resort, which is an intestinal transplant. Unfortunately, the life expectancy afterwards is only 3-5 years.
I have 9 other nieces and nephews, but this little guy is the love of my life. I'm so broken right now I'm angry and I'm scared. I've spent hours on my knees praying for him since he was born, praying for a miracle, for healing, for wholeness. I'm thankful that he can keep smiling and laughing in the midst of his pain. I'm thankful that he doesn't understand that his body is turning against him. I'm thankful for his joy. But I'm scared, so scared. I've never met most of the people who read this blog, but I'm asking you to pray. For Jordan, our family, the doctors... for a miracle.

The Seven Wonders Of The World

A group of students were asked to list what they thought were the present "Seven Wonders of the World." Though there were some disagreements, The following received the most votes:

1.Egypt's Great Pyramids 2.Taj Mahal 3.Grand Canyon 4.Panama Canal 5.Empire State Building 6.St. Peter's Basilica 7.China's Great Wall

While gathering the votes, the teacher noticed that one student had not finished her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The girl replied, "Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind because there are so many. "The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help." The girl hesitated, then read, "I think the 'Seven Wonders of the World' are:

1.To See 2.To Hear 3.To touch 4.To Taste 5.To Feel 6.To Laugh 7.To Love

The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. The things we overlook as simple and ordinary and that we take for granted are truly wondrous!

We're pumpkins :)

Being a Christian is like being a pumpkin. God lifts you up, takes you in, and washes all the dirt off of you. He opens you up, touches you deep inside and scoops out all the yucky stuff-- including the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc. Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside you to shine for all the world to see.

I'm loved

"Picture a giant dump truck full of love. There you are behind it. God lifts the bed until the love starts to slide. Slowly, at first, then down, down, down until you are hidden, buried, covered in His love."
This is the text on a card I received today. There was no return address on the envelope, and the card wasn't signed. Simply the words "remember you are loved". I have no idea who sent it. I guess it really doesn't matter.
I have such a hard time accepting the fact that I'm worthy of love. In my head it makes sense. I've been told all my life that I'm loved. My parents, sisters, and friends have all made it abundantly clear that they love me. When I hear the words "I love you", I choke. They go in one ear and out the other, pausing briefly on the way through, just long enough for me to think "well they have to say that, they're my family/friends". They're obligated to say it. I've never been able to take those words and really hear them. I've never internalized them, or made them a part of who I am. I've never treasured the fact that I am loved, never basked in the warmth of abundant love, because I don't feel that I'm worthy of it.
So there I was, wondering who it could be that loves me enough to send me this card.
Then a friend called and asked if I wanted to come over for awhile. I did. We had fun. :) On my way home it was raining and I was stuck behind a couple of VERY slow cars. They turned off onto other roads, and I found the culprit of the slow moving traffic. A dump truck. Great, I think. I'm never gonna get around this guy. God has a funny sense of humor sometimes. So I'm creeping along down the highway at 30 mph (that's about 48 km/h for my Canadian friends). I'm looking up at the back of this huge truck, wondering how many tons of dirt/gravel/etc it can carry. Couldn't come up with a number on my own, so I decided the scientific answer was "a whole bunch".
When I got home I was still wondering, so I looked it up online and found out that the average dump truck can carry 20-25 tons of material. Wow. Then the lightbulb came on... God loves me more than that. Wow, that's a lot. Now I'm just working on accepting it.

Forgiveness

It's been awhile since I've blogged. I was busy pretending that I didn't have time. The reality is, I've been running away from the nagging topic of forgiveness.
Three years ago I met the man who I was sure was "THE ONE". I was so happy that God had brought Mr. Right into my life, the one I would love, raise a family with, and who would take care of me as we grew old together. We spent hours getting to know each other, sharing our deepest thoughts, fears, and secrets. Nine months after we met, he put a ring on my finger and asked me to be his wife. I was on cloud nine. Then everything went south. The man I loved turned into a jealous, controlling, unfaithful, disrespectful person. He seemed to find great delight in putting me down and humiliating me. I believed every word he said when he told me that he was doing me a favor by marrying me. After running me down, he would tell me how much he loved me and looked forward to our life together. Long story short... I didn't marry him.
It still hurts. I deal with these things every day. I've locked up my heart and thrown away the key because I don't want to get hurt again. I've done a pretty good job of convincing myself that everything that went wrong in that relationship was my fault. I've spent two years being sure that I'm "damaged goods", and that no one will want me after all the trouble I've caused. I'm terrified of being vulnerable, because I'm sure someone will take advantage of me again.
Then the journey began. I'm learning that all these things I have held as truth are really lies. God has put some amazing people in my life to remind me that I am loved and beautiful. It's a slow process though. At times it seems like I take one step forward and two steps back.
Forgiveness is in order here. I need forgiveness for doubting my worth and for believing the lies. Forgiveness for not allowing my friends and family to embrace me and love me through the hard times. I need to forgive this person who has hurt me so deeply. It hurts. It's hard. I'm not there yet, but I hope to be someday...
"There are people in your life who've come and gone.
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride.
Better put it all behind you babe, cause life goes on.
You keep carrying that anger, it'll eat you up inside, baby.
I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter
but my will gets weak and my thoughts seem to scatter
but I think it's about forgiveness, forgiveness..."